I ain't NO vegan!

I want to let you in on a little secret: I have a naked contempt for vegetarians. Actually, I want to take that back. I do not want to offend my vegetarian friends (I can think of two as of the moment) so I’d rephrase that one into something like this: I have a naked contempt to the idea of being a vegetarian. Yes, I tried it once or twice and sad to say I failed miserably. I thought I was going to die of starvation after 16 hours of not eating anything except fruits and a bowl of stinky salad. Yeah, I couldn’t even last a day. In a nutshell, I am the biggest carnivore probably known to the Hampton area. Oh, I can feel the frisson of disgust from some folks I know. Well, I believe that there are people out there who are totally against eating animals (yeah, that’s brutally speaking) because of their religion and who knows what other hang-ups they have, but life doesn’t always have to be politically right or dull or spotless. I mean, to all of you vegans who are out there: more power to you. I think it’s great that you are against eating meat. Please don’t change your eating habits any time soon. I don’t want the meat value to skyrocket before I get my full share.

Anyways. Have you heard of the proverbial American Dream? Well, living the American Dream for most people means having a four-bedroom-home with the white picket fence and a two-car garage to boot; owning an expensive car or two, or being able to send their kids to an Ivy League school. Good for them. I, on the other hand, have a simple way of looking at my American Dream. Mine is simply enjoying a mouth-watering, juicy steak that is thicker than my thigh.

Yeah, I stink as a human being. Tell me something I don’t know.